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One Liners
- Hackers: We're explorers, not
criminals
- In the realm of the blind, the
one-eyed man is king
- When men talk sex to women, its
sexual harassment but when women talk sex to men
it's $3.95 per minute
- Be nice to your kids. They'll
choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer
holder.
- 3 kinds of people: those who can
count & those who can't.
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long
word?
- Don't use a big word where a
diminutive one will suffice.
- Every morning is the dawn of a
new error.
- A flying saucer results when a
nudist spills his coffee.
- For people who like peace and
quiet: a phoneless cord.
- I can see clearly now, the brain
is gone.
- The beatings will continue until
morale improves.
- I used up all my sick days, so
I'm calling in dead.
- Mental Floss prevents Moral
Decay.
- Madness takes its toll. Please
have exact change.
- Proofread carefully to see if you
any words out.
- There cannot be a crisis today;
my schedule is already full.
- I'd explain it to you, but your
brain would explode.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to
start again?
- A conclusion is simply the place
where you got tired of thinking.
- I don't have a solution but I
admire the problem.
- Don't be so open-minded your
brains fall out.
- If at first you DO succeed, try
not to look astonished!
- Diplomacy is the art of saying
'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
- Diplomacy - the art of letting
someone have your way.
- If one synchronized swimmer
drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- If things get any worse, I'll
have to ask you to stop helping me.
- If I want your opinion, I'll ask
you to fill out the necessary forms.
- Don't look back, they might be
gaining on you.
- It's not hard to meet expenses,
they're everywhere.
- Help Wanted: Telepath. You know
where to apply.
- Look out for #1. Don't step in #2
either.
- Budget: A method for going broke
methodically.
- Car service: If it ain't broke,
we'll break it.
- Shin: A device for finding
furniture in the dark.
- Do witches run spell checkers?
- Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
- Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All
wights wesewved.
- Dain bramaged.
- Department of Redundancy
Department.
- Headline: Bear takes over
Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
- What has four legs and an arm? A
happy pit bull.
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe
halted.
- COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup
and Press Any Key.
- Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can
reboot faster.
- 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large
values of 2.
- Computers make very fast, very
accurate mistakes.
- Computers are not intelligent.
They only think they are.
- My software never has bugs. It
just develops random features.
- C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO
C:\PC\CRAWL
- C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
- <-------- The information went
data way --------
- Best file compression around:
"DEL *.*" = 100% compression
- The Definition of an Upgrade:
Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal
Port Not Responding.
- The name is Baud......, James
Baud.
- BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th
quarter, 5 yards to go!
- Access denied--nah nah na nah
nah!
- C:\ Bad command or file name! Go
stand in the corner.
- Bad command. Bad, bad command!
Sit! Stay! Staaay.
- Why doesn't DOS ever say
"EXCELLENT command or filename!"
- As a computer, I find your faith
in technology amusing.
- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon?
(Yep/Nope)
- Backups? We don' *NEED* no
steenking backups.
- E Pluribus Modem.
- .. File not found. Should I fake
it? (Y/N)
- Ethernet (n): something used to
catch the etherbunny.
- A mainframe: The biggest PC
peripheral available.
- An error? Impossible! My modem is
error correcting.
- CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot
Washington D.C (Y/n)?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- A computer's attention span is as
long as it's power cord.
- 11th commandment - Covet not thy
neighbor's Pentium.
- 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a
case...coincidence?
- Disinformation is not as good as
datinformation.
- Windows: Just another pane in the
glass.
- SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of
Memory.
- Who's General Failure & why's he
reading my disk?
- Ultimate office automation:
networked coffee.
- RAM disk is *not* an installation
procedure.
- Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do
you copy? Shell to DOS...
- All computers wait at the same
speed.
- DEFINITION: Computer - A device
designed to speed and automate errors.
- Press -- to continue ...
- Smash forehead on keyboard to
continue.....
- Enter any 11-digit prime number
to continue...
- ASCII stupid question, get a
stupid ANSI!
- E-mail returned to sender --
insufficient voltage.
- Help! I'm modeming... and I can't
hang up!!!
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg
kegtops awound?
- Error: Keyboard not attached.
Press F1 to continue.
- "640K ought to be enough for
anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
- DOS Tip #17: Add
DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF
to your CONFIG.SYS
- Press any key... no, no, no, NOT
THAT ONE!
- Press any key to continue or any
other key to quit...
- Excuse me for butting in, but I'm
interrupt-driven.
- Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v!
Works greO?_~"
- Error reading FAT record: Try the
SKINNY one? (Y/N)
- Read my chips: No new upgrades!
- Hit any user to continue.
- 2400 Baud makes you want to get
out and push!!
- I hit the CTRL key but I'm still
not in control!
- Will the information superhighway
have any rest stops?
- Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry
(T)hrowup
- Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry
(P)anic
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down
entire network?
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
- If debugging is the process of
removing bugs, then programming must be the process
of putting them in.
- Programmers don't die, they just
GOSUB without RETURN.
- Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling
mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
- Real programmers don't document.
If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
understand.
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