How To Know When You've Been On IRC Too Long

How To Know When You've Been On IRC Too Long

Your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
Someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"
You have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
You have to scroll through your popup menu.
You watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on.
Your friend Tom tells you something sad on the phone and you say "Awwww, me hugs Tom."
You've called out someone else's nick while making love to your husband.
You keep begging your friend's to get an internet account so "we can hang out."
Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome.
You laughed at this list.
Your friends are now convinced that IRC stands for "I Repeat Classes."
You want to meet a girl and your first impulse is to turn on your computer
You once devoted a weekend to "working on your popups."
You sometimes go to #egypt "just to get away from it all."
When you join #callahans everyone types "Norm!"
You're a heterosexual male, but one time you used a feminine nick "just to mess with the horny net geeks."
You come home from class, look at your roomates, and say "ib."
You wait for your roomates to say "re."
The words "takeover," "nick collide," and "flood" make your heart beat faster and your hands a little shakey.
Sometimes you type commands from the unix prompt you mistakenly begin them with a "/"
You've ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to face.
You make it a point to change your ping reply and quit message daily.
You have over 2 megs of .wav files on your mirc directory.
You have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's.
Your child ignores your request and you wonder if she is lagged.
You send internet Christmas cards.
You've ever felt the urge to type "*wink*."
You have ever wondered if there is a #irc-anon.
You have an irc web page.
You've ever went to one of those form-submit web page 'chats' just to say "you loosers don't even know what irc is, do you? Huh!? DO YOU!?!"
You've ever logged on to dalnet.
You join #hispanola "just to work on my Spanish."
When someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers, everyone else types your nick.
You join busy channels just to talk to yourself because the scrolling makes you feel better about it somehow.
You've ever typed "drinking on irc is better than drinking alone."
You go into labor and you stop to type a "special" away message.
You have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.
You've been lagged so bad that you've switched servers so much you can see you nick on the channel list 3 times.
You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitolization, or complete senteces.
You live on #twilight_zone for months praying for an O: line.
You end up with 7 O: lines
To get revenge on someone you know in RL, you mail bomb them..through the US postal service, that is.
You have met over 100 ircers.
You /umode +s because you dont feel right without it.
You dont know your boyfriend/girlfriend's first name.
Your boyfriend/girlfriend in RL gets on IRC coz its the only way to reach you.
You know which servers are major hubs..in *.tw.
You call your S.O (boyfriend/girlfriend is too long to type) a HNG.
You use words like 'leet' and 'lame' in RL.
You find yourself wishing that that bitch on your hall were on irc so you could flood her.
You read operlist.
You tell your fiends you have plans already on saturday night when you dont.
Your .ircrc is over 80k.
You feel a need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL.
Your desk is the only part of your room you ever use (screw the bed. ;)
You have ever put a smiley in a paper for school.
The Jehova's Witnesses knock on the door, and all you can think of doing is flood them with PINGs.
You get a call from a telemarketer, and instead of hanging up on them, you set down the phone, and set their mode to -v.
You call up your friend Nick, and /invite $nick to #watch_TV.
You offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for the night.
You refer to rush hour traffic as LAGGED... or to avoid traffic, you tell your passenger you need to quit for a second to switch servers.
The word I is now replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
You raise your hand in class, and say "BRB."
You have more than 3 private MSG windows going simultaneously.
You won't subscribe to a certain internet provider because they don't offer unlimited time per month.
Instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve it to you later that night.
You no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what "RE ALL" means.
You begin to say hehehehehehehehe instead of laughing.
You don't sleep at night because you are too stay up late thinking of a new NICK.
You know and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii text.
You cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers listed as the reason.
When someone says "what did you say?" you reply "scroll up!"
You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the might when your spouse is asleep to get more irc time in!
You turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know that you are on irc again!
You know more about your irc "friends" daily routines than you do your own spouses!
When someone in a channel says "where is today, and you know exactly where that person is and why they are not logged on.
You find yourself lieing to others about your irc time. When they complain your phone is busy, you claim it was off the hook!
You have an identity crisis if someone else is using your nick.
You would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (up all night on irc!)
You change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you are!
You put on special mood music while talking to certain people in private chats!
Your friends on irc were above your RL friends on your Christmas card list!
You find yourself involved in channel politics on irc!
You ever turned down real hugs for {{hugs}} from your irc friends.
You have actually kept up with 10 converstions at one time!
You postpone your college graduation date so you can keep your free .edu account!
You have ever written a pen-and-paper letter to someone and found it _impossible_ to do without smilies.
You don't even bother answering the phone anymore...
If you're broke and your modem burns out and you go out on to the streeets to sell your body to get a new one..
If you are willing to risk a divorce because your husband doesn't like all the time you are spending on the computer.
If you are willing to sell a kidney to get to the next #anne-Rice channel meet.
If you are risking your job by staying on #anne-rice in the afternoon.
If you open up your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they have computers and cute nicknames.
If you consider getting an THIRD phone line so your S.O. can get online on a diff acct.
If you yell at ppl cause they aww using more than 2 w's and are messing up your URL list.
If your kids are standing at your side going "mommy, please come cook dinner" and you'd rather type another "LOL!"
If the first thing you say after coming out of a movie is, "Hey. Remember that funny line? It would make a perfect info line!"
You Marry your cyberboyfriend RT and you both sit at your own computers and chat to each other every night from across the room!
You have ever had netsex with a bot.
Your first thought when your nick is taken is "VERSION"
Both you and your wife has their own computer, server, and E-Mail address.
You download this list to send it to your other net friends.
You keep making channels with one more "!", just so you can get the top of the channel list.
You have to go on Irc by sneaking on your friend/Father's Laptop while they are at work or are away.
You are a X files fan and go on #X-files just to say "Does anyone here like the X-Files T.V. Show?"
You go on but can continue after your computer searches for your server you yell "Dumb, Server."
You constantly say "hello?" or "you lagged, boy" to anyone on the street.
Your S.O.'s friends and family (all in the same geographical area, most computer illiterate, none addicted to IRC) refer to you by your nick, because for months that's the only name they heard.
You came here when the channel you were on was less than 20 people.
You type in all lowercase now, even while typing assignments.
You keep an irc window open while doing homework.
You use irc as an excuse for procrastinating on homework.
You've gone through more than one keyboard because you can't leave irc long enough to have a cig.
You type messages to people while you're talking to them on the phone.
You hack your server idle time "so lamers donut bug me."
Your nick is mentioned on an irc web page (or worse...it's published in printed material somewhere.)
You keep a client on 24/7 so someone doesn't steal your nick.
You *do* preface things in email with /me.
You feel the urge to /kick and /ban annoying peopel in person.
You argue with your kids over whose turn it is.
When you write a letter you put :-) at the end of a sentence.
You wont work at a job that doesnt have a modem involved.
You sign your nick instead of your "real name."
You take your girlfriend on a date to #redlobster, then to a movie at #cineplex_odeon.
You want to kick-ban your sister from your house.
You hang out in the #florida room on dalnet and are involved in the soap opera that goes on there.
You look at your cat and say mmmm chicken.
You sat around for more than 2 minutes trying to think of a witty "You might be addicted to irc if..." joke to add to this list.
Your husband announces that he is getting a second line... no matter what you say!! He's tired of the phone always being busy.
You refuse to go to alt.irc.recovery when your friends tell you too...
Your dog leaves you.
You have to ask what the year is.
Build a toilet into your computer chair so you never *miss* anything.
You join certain channels just to read the funny topics.
If you're sitting sitting at work with NO IRC Clients and you can't find any; Anywhere, You get sidetracked into reading webs about IRC.
You have to replace your / and # keys every few weeks.
You are telling someone about all your friends and it turns out they are all on IRC.
Are doing things more and more that you swore you would never, ever do when you first found chat!
If you write a letter like this "dear tom, lo! how r u doin well i gotta go bbl!"
You might be addicted to irc if you stay on here until your eyes are bloodshot.
You enter a channel and the bots say hi!
You suggest to your company to hold its meetings on IRC so "The boss can put +m on"
You name your pets after people you talk to on IRC.
You ever tell a story in RL of something funny that happened on IRC to people that have no idea what it is.
You are reading this.
You smile sideways.
Whenever you log on to a server you immediately get 10 messages from people who have you on their notify list.
You can handle 10 messages.
You can't even remember the names to all the channels you have ops on.
Your internet provider disconnects you for using an *unlimited* account too much.
After the above happening you seriously consider a dedicated account.
You have a map on the wall with red thumbtacks to mark where people are.
You have to take an vacation from IRC because you can not keep up with the messages anymore.
People /msg you even when your nick has AWAY in it.
People have your AWAY nick in their notify list.
Your spent more than $300 on long distance calling those you met on IRC.
Whenever a netsplit or mode change occurs and someone asks what happened everyone in the channel says to ask you.
You got tired of answering what happened and have made popups to describe netsplits and mode changes.
You have 5 copies of an IRC client installed on your hard disk to be on more than one net at a time.
You look at an annoying friend and wish you could type /ignore.
You can carry on a conversation with the bot(s.)
You actually are reading these corny things!!!!
"You know you're addicted to irc when you find stupid reasons to log into yourshell account, knowing full well you can type "irc" from there and be there in 2 seconds."
You drink less water cuz u don't wanna go to the washroom during your chat.
You wrote your nick as your name in RL
You ask Electronics Boutique what warez they have.
You flood your enemies by talking fast.
Your time on-line is measured with a Calender.
You use your lunchbreak to jump back on to look for memo's.
You get pulled over by the police, and they inform you that you were reported missing 2 months ago.
You bring a sack lunch and cooler to the terminal.
You actually know everybody in your irc channel.
Your SO kisses your neck while you type and you think "uh oh DCC Chat request."
The keys of your keyboard are refusing to work properly after few months and you end up writing something like " I'm professionl relly!"
You might be addicted to irc if...the only time you log off irc is to travel to work where you immediately log back on.
You go into irc withdrawals if you are away from a computer for more than a few hours.
You make up reasons to ur wife to stay late at the office so you can take advantage of their service link.
You risk possible suspension and or expulsion from high school to download a copy of mIRC onto the computer in the library so you can IRC from Study Hall.
Your "first time" began with the command "/me."
You've got a registered channel beginning with your nick!
You might be addicted to irc if... ...someone offers you lady fingers at a party and you have an urge to do a /WHOIS on them.
You e-mail prospective employers and leave a channel name they can find you at.
You set up the PC to answer the phone and turn on IRC automatically when it rings.
Grandma reminds you about an upcoming family reunion and you tell her she can borrow your server.
Your friend doesn't answer you and you wonder how to PING him.
You know not only the best servers to access, but also the best ports.
You never get round to using the internet and spend your time on mirc.
You start thinking 100 megahertz is too slow.
Your notify list ha over a hundred people on it.
Your worst comeback to a bully is "I'll slap you with a large trout."
You might be addicted to irc if you have over 2 megs of bots.
You might be addicted to irc if...you say that you're hiding under a chair, and then actually go and do it.
You know more than 7 of the people in a channel at any given time.
You buy more RAM so you can have more sessions open.
You're a regular on over 10 channels.
You've ever broken up with a S.O over IRC.
You've ever said "Mom, can I come live at your place for a bit? I cant deal with school..not enough time online."
You have driven over 5 hours to meet an ircer.
You've compiled ircd on your linux box just for the hell of it.
You know what the correct format for a Y: line is.
You know what jupe.c does.
You read operlist.
You know irc scripting.
You can come up with about 500 of these damn things.
Your boyfriend knows when new servers get linked.
Your grandmother knows what a clonebot is.
Your professors all know what sendQ's are.
You know what sendQ's are.
You might be addicted to irc if...U go 2 a party, meet agirl, and ask her how she look.
You might be addicted to irc if you have the urge to kick people in real life.
Your family opens an internet coffeehouse and you get bummed 'cause most servers won't authorize you, so you keep your account at another server and dial in at 28.8 instead of using the 56k connection just 'cause U miss access to your favourite server.
You enter a room and you say /me greets all.

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