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Iedereen wil oud worden, maar niemand wil het zijn |
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Man vs Woman
Male bashing He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you? He said . . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the oven while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said . . . I would but you're never there. What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bond's mature. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." For all those men who say. "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Well women can say "it's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage". Female bashing How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. |
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Door zijn toedoen stond haar blouse open
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